How do you go about starting an evening's entertainment?

This is an introduction that I sometimes do for a performance. All recorded on my PSR S900.
The 'Lady' in this story is my keyboard called "Sophie".

Lady's voice (ie. Keyboard, Sophie) in red, my voice in blue.
Lady's voice is pre-recorded, 10 seconds pause at the start so I can push the start button.
I walk away from the keyboard to a speaker on the right.
Keyboard (Sophie) then yells at me:-

Dennis!!

Yes Sophie?

What ARE we doing here?

We are going to play for these nice people.

Well I don’t want to!

We have to Sophie.

Not going to!

Footsteps stamping away getting quieter.

Door squeaks open, door slams shut.

Car start noise.

Its OK ladies and gentlemen, she won’t get far, I haven’t installed a driver.

Car crash noise and then tinkling glass falling.

Oh dear!

Door squeaks open, door squeaks shut.

Footsteps coming back getting slightly louder but slowing.

OK Sophie, what have you done?

Car won’t go.

Why won’t the car go?

I don’t know,- I’m not a mechanic!

OK Sophie, I’ll forgive you if you play for us.

Oh --- alright then.

And no changing the notes!

Tee hee.

Pause for 10 seconds then;

Ladies and ...

(Sophie chips in:-)
I am Sophie, he is Dennis!

Needs good expression and timing. Goes down well with good audiences.

Den